(Rosilind Jukic) It was inevitable. I would walk away from a conversation happy and bubbly, but then the moment would hit. Panic. Disappointment. Self-loathing. “Why did you say that? What must they think of you! You always say such stupid things. They will probably tell everyone they know what an idiot you are!” These horrible thoughts would flood my heart as the joy I had felt moments before slowly vanished in the thick cloud of depression that would settle over me.
To be sure, no one but me was to blame for my horrible insecurity. I would feed on these thoughts, send frantic text messages apologizing for whatever it was that I had said. I was a toxic friend. However, there was another element in my life that contributed to this battle I waged in my mind. Other toxic people I had allowed in my inner circle. Toxic people often attract toxic people! My inner circle was filled with people who fed this negativity with their own judgmental attitudes, pessimism and gossip. And I entertained it all. I listened to their judgmental declarations, pessimistic viewpoints and gossip, and then lived in fear that one day I would be the topic of conversation. READ MORE