The surgeon general has a new public health warning. And this time, the hazard isn’t tobacco or alcohol: it’s parenting.
Two-fifths of parents say that on most days, “they are so stressed they cannot function,” the Office of the Surgeon General reports in an advisory titled Parents Under Pressure. Roughly half of parents term that stress “completely overwhelming.”
Those dire findings anchor a 35-page report, released in late August, that posits parents’ stress as “an urgent public health issue.” It draws on data from the American Psychological Association and other sources to build a case that parents are facing more stress than at perhaps any other time in recent history.
One-third of parents with children under 18 rate their stress level as 8 or higher on a 10-point scale, according to psychological association data. Two-fifths of parents report being “so stressed they feel numb.” Three-fifths say stress makes it hard to focus. Two-thirds are consumed by money problems.
In each case, parents report markedly higher rates of stress than nonparents.
“Our stress levels are probably tenfold,” said Sara Barron, 35, a mother of three who lives near Sacramento, California, comparing herself and her childless friends. “They can go out drinking, go out partying, and they don’t have to find a babysitter.”
Parenting and child care advocates hailed the surgeon general’s effort to raise an alarm about the stresses of modern parenting.
“It’s the warning that we all needed,” said Gretchen Salyer, founder and CEO of June Care, a company that connects parents with other families for child care. “You think about the ripple effects of that on your kids. If your parents can’t function, how can we expect our youth mental health crisis to get any better?”
Surgeon General Vivek Murthy, a father of two, added a personal note to the advisory, describing parenting as “the toughest and most rewarding job I’ve ever had.”
The report provides data-driven snapshots of key sources of parental stress.
Child care prices have risen by 26% in the past decade, according to a White House estimate.
The average household that pays for child care spends $325 a week, or 18.6% of its weekly income, according to a recent analysis by LendingTree, a personal finance site. Another report, from the caregiver site Care.com, found that the average family spends 24% of household income on child care.
Both figures exceed federal guidelines on what parents should be paying for child care.
“There’s no question that child care is significantly more expensive than it was a generation ago,” said Matt Schulz, chief credit analyst at LendingTree. “There are so many couples out there where one parent is deciding whether it’s worth their effort to go find another job because of the cost of child care.”
The surgeon general’s report suggests that parents face many more demands on their time now than in previous generations.
The average parent spends 33½ hours a week in work and related activities, federal data show.
Mothers and fathers alike are working more. Average work hours for moms rose from 20.9 per week in 1985 to 26.7 hours in 2022. For dads, average work hours rose from 39.8 to 41.2 in that span.
Parents are also spending more time caring for their own children. Mothers spent 11.8 hours a week delivering child care in 2022, on average, up from 8.4 hours in 1985. For fathers, weekly child care hours rose from 2.6 to 6.6 in those years.
The federal report lists several other stress points for parents. Nearly 3 in 4 parents worry their child will struggle with anxiety or depression, amid a wider mental health crisis among young people. School shootings, or the possibility of one, seed stress for 74% of parents. Two-thirds of parents experience loneliness.
Technology looms as a singular challenge in American parenting. Nearly 70% of parents say parenting is more difficult than it was 20 years ago, the report says, and social media is a leading culprit.
Sites such as TikTok, Snapchat and Instagram have been accused of hijacking children’s brains, monopolizing their time, isolating them from loved ones and causing or amplifying mental health problems.
For struggling parents, the COVID-19 pandemic has proved both a blessing and a curse.
The remote-work revolution allowed millions of parents to work from home, giving them much more flexibility in child care decisions.
But the pandemic also shuttered child care facilities, creating child care “deserts” that endure across much of the nation.
“We’re seeing fewer and fewer day cares out there,” said Sean Lacey, general manager of child care at Care.com. “We’re seeing more scarcity and longer waitlists for parents trying to get their kids into day care.”
Barron, the Sacramento mom, had her third child at the start of the pandemic.
“Day care wasn’t an option because everything was closed,” she said. “Once he was able to go to day care, it was $3,000 a month,” nearly as much as their mortgage.
“I found myself almost needing to step down from my career, which I had spent 15 to 20 years to get into, just because of child care.”
The well-documented stresses of modern parenting have prompted many young Americans to think twice about becoming parents.
America’s fertility rate stands at its lowest level on record, federal data show. More women are having babies in their 30s, if at all.
Researchers cite career concerns, limited child care options, inadequate parental leave policies and the costs of raising a child as reasons why fewer Americans are having children.
“They’re seeing how much cost there is, and how much of a lifestyle change there is, and sometimes it’s scary,” said Scarlett Xu, 37, of San Diego.
