In the bustling playground of childhood, friendships are often taken for granted — with kids easily bonding while sharing a swing or trading snacks at lunchtime. For many kids, however, the art of making friends isn’t as simple as it seems.
A recent study from the University of Michigan Health C.S. Mott Children’s Hospital has uncovered an often-overlooked aspect of childhood development, finding a surprising number of children struggle to make friends. In fact, the poll finds one in five parents fear their children currently have no friends at all.
Imagine being a kid without a buddy to share your favorite video game with or someone to sit next to on the school bus. It’s a reality for more children than we might think. The poll of 1,031 parents with kids between six and 12 years-old reveals that 20% of kids potentially feel lonely or isolated during crucial years of social development.
“Friendships can play a significant role in children’s overall health and development, emotional well-being, self-esteem and social skills,” says Sarah Clark, M.P.H., co-director of the Mott Poll, in a media release.
So, what’s stopping kids from forming these vital connections? The study identified several common hurdles. About one in five parents cited shyness or social awkwardness as the main obstacle for their child. Another 15% of parents pointed to unkind behavior from other children as a barrier. Less than 10% of parents mentioned medical conditions or disabilities as a challenge.
Interestingly, parents of older children were more likely to mention that existing friend groups or limited places to socialize made it harder for their kids to make new friends. This suggests that as children grow, the social landscape becomes more complex, potentially making it more challenging to forge new connections.
The good news? Parents aren’t sitting idly by. Three out of four parents reported taking active steps to help their children make friends. Some popular strategies include arranging playdates or outings, enrolling kids in activities with like-minded peers, offering friendship-making advice, and networking with other parents.
For younger kids, parents tend to focus on arranging playdates and befriending other parents. As children get older, parents are more likely to allow social media use and buy items to help their kids “fit in” – though these strategies come with their own set of considerations.
Clark advises caution when it comes to social media use, noting its potential negative impacts on mental health.
“Parents who choose to allow social media should help their child learn to use it responsibly,” Clark suggests.
Supporting children in their friendship journeys is a bit like walking a tightrope.
“Parents’ involvement may vary based on a child’s age, personality, and social needs,” Clark explains.
Parents can help by choosing a small-group activity the child enjoys and allow space for the child to become comfortable interacting with peers. It’s also crucial to let kids navigate social situations independently.
“Parents should expect and allow children to make mistakes, intervening only in matters of safety,” the director of the poll notes. “Later, in a private moment with the child, parents should be ready to listen and offer advice.”
One unexpected finding from the study was that two-thirds of parents preferred their child’s friends to come from similar families. This similarity was most often related to parenting styles, but more than a third of parents also indicated a preference for shared political or religious affiliations.
While it’s natural to gravitate towards the familiar, Clark cautions against limiting children’s social circles too narrowly.
“Limiting a child’s friends to only those from similar backgrounds may hamper their ability and comfort in navigating diverse networks in the future,” she warns.
Friendships aren’t just about having someone to play with – they’re fundamental building blocks for a child’s development. They help kids develop crucial social skills, boost self-esteem and emotional well-being, and enjoy school more, which can lead to better academic performance. Moreover, friendships provide a platform for children to learn how to navigate conflicts and differences, preparing them for diverse social and professional networks in adulthood.
